This is a journal against itself...

Why was this written by someone who wasn't me?

Sat, 27 Sep 2008 08:11:50 GMT

Rosencrantz and Guildenstern are Undead.

"We still have time to combine this into one character."

Heh....

Someone made an Opera of Rosencrantz and Guildenstern are Dead...

Sat, 01 Sep 2007 17:25:47 GMT

I was a little worried it was a joke (I don't know why someone would do that, but you can't be too sure). After all, someone on the site wrote it was "steeped in American vernacular idioms" which is weird (EDIT: That was about a different opera by the same guy... got overexcited and misread).

Anyway, I've been listening to it and...

SOMEONE MADE AN OPERA OF ROSENCRANTZ AND GUILDENSTERN ARE DEAD!!!!

AND I DIDN'T WRITE IT!!!!

And its actually pretty funny in parts. And it has the Unicorn thing (sung by.... Alfred?) Okay.

I finished the Deathly Hallows

Sun, 22 Jul 2007 04:31:44 GMT

I can't help writing about it.

That's all.

Watcha gonna do with all that ass?

Fri, 13 Apr 2007 01:26:11 GMT

I know its old news by now, but I can't stop watching Alanis Morrissette's My Hump's video!!

I even made a ringtone from it. I finally found a site that makes it so I can make my own damned ringtones. So much more awesome than paying $2 for a ringtone that isn't even the part of the song that I wanted ($.99 for a credit). You just upload the song and it lets you crop where you want and EVERYTHING. You can even share ringtones

Make your own Alanis - All that ass inside your jeans ringtone

Freaky... I should have gone with the junk in your trunk part because I like the way her voice trills when she says "make you work"

Here's a link to an mp3 of the song I made from the video

I can't even listen to the original now, I tried.

I ummmm.... made a Rosencrantz and Guildenstern blog though its also kind of about Hamlet... by extension. I have a few entries I've been needing to write, but I haven't because I'm horribly addicted to Wikipedia. I even have dreams about editing Wikipedia. So... I'm distracted right now, but I'm trying to wean myself from Wikipedia.

I've tried to avoid Wikipedia...

Fri, 30 Mar 2007 04:44:04 GMT

But I've begun editing it... I really don't think that Wikipedia should work, and I don't want to witness its eventual downfall into chaos... But its so much fun to play with. I can't stop doing the stupid infobox thing, and meta stuff. It just is so satisfying... and I feel like I've done something.

Turning back fields into harvested lands

Mon, 12 Mar 2007 07:29:02 GMT

I saw some mangas today, and I wanted to get one.. but they made me sad. Ah well, one can't expect to be able to do everything, I guess.

I finished Gerturde and Claudius and I still don't agree with his Hamlet. I can see it, but... I just don't, in the end. The ending made me sort of sad, because Claudius' view of things was much more pleasant than what "happens".
I also don't agree with his Ophelia. Perhaps I've seen too many productions of Hamlet with a modern Ophelia, who doesn't possess the ethereal and slight qualities so many want to ascribe to her, with her saying with some passion that Hamlet has been very "honorable" with her.
Overall, I liked it all right, even considering my weird prejudice against John Updike. Aside from his Hamlet and Ophelia, I felt like his view fell in perfectly with the play as I have read it. And he finally stopped hammering home the time and place.
I guess I just have a problem with the 30 year old Hamlet. I know its in the version of the play we use, but its been explained away and it just makes more sense to have an early twenties Hamlet.

Okay... I don't hate John Updike... sorta...

Thu, 08 Mar 2007 05:21:35 GMT

His style has softened in time... I can live with it. For now.
I can't hold a grudge against a man who writes a prequel to Hamlet using Shakespeare's source material and the old school Danish names. Though sometimes I feel like I'm having the time and place hammered into me...

For some reason I can't get the detail of a sled decorated with reindeer antlers out of my head.
I'm not sure where he's going with this... I'm like... fifty pages in, its the first of three parts... And Hamlet is already 13. I expected that to take a little longer...
I don't really agree with his Hamlet (pardon me if I use the Anglicanized names)...
Why do authors want to make Yorick and Hamlet so close? I got the impression that his memory of Yorick was sort of how most would remember a beloved and fun uncle. Not someone that was a friend, more of an adult who would grab you and pull you into a whirlwind of play whenever you were there for as long as it was convinient for them.
And his Hamlet was an emo kid from birth... Now, come on.... But I'll give it to him for now. He must be going somewhere with this. Besides, I like his Gertrude and Claudius.
Part of my general dislike of John Updike is that I don't like his portrayal of women. However, the things that bothered me so in modern females, doesn't seem so wrong in a more period piece. Though I don't like the weird random sexuality in his writing (Pot - Kettle: You're black). I don't want to think of Polonius as having a ::swallows:: "goatish lust" that wore his "fine spirited wife... to a wraith".
And, what am I supposed to do with sentences like this: days of hurtling sun and shade like the dapples of an exhilarated beast, days of steady strong cold and a blood-red dusk, tawny autumn days smelling of hay and grapes, spring days tasting of salty wave-froth and hearth-smoke blown down from the chimney pots. And it goes on for a really really long paragraph. I'm sorry, maybe I'm just being a bitch. The descriptions are beautiful and evocative. And, you know, I love reading and classical writing as much as anyone, but I see a sentence like that... a paragraph, a really really long paragraph like that, and a part of me just goes.... ooooohhh god..... I don't care how beautiful your descriptions are, I can't take that many all together, especially when you're trying to describe years and years with no intervening action or anything.

I feel like I didn't write anything that I intended to... Maybe coming back to LJ was a mistake.

I just found something that made me laugh and now I feel better.

Wed, 07 Mar 2007 05:34:41 GMT

Who's got some dick for the Wiz?

I read some of the other panels, and they're okay-- kind of crude, but... I've read worse.

Once I read that sentence, I knew I'd have to find a reason to write it somewhere. So, linking to the comic seems like a good reason.

I'd have a nervous breakdown, but Britney Spears is having it for me...

Wed, 07 Mar 2007 05:13:46 GMT

I hate celebrity stuff, but the whole Britney Spears shaving her head thing is on every magazine cover... It probably wouldn't have been such a big deal if she hadn't done it so publically. Hell, if she had done it at home, maybe it would be the "in thing" or something. I don't know...

I always figured if I had a serious nervous breakdown, I'd enter a fugue state. It just sounds about right for me. That's pretty much what I did when I quit college. I cut everyone off and moved into an apartment, got a job... my parents didn't see me until I was married and four months pregnant.

I think James worries I'm going to just cut and run at some point, and I think its a legitimate worry. I'm certainly capable of it. Especialy when I feel all weird and raw, and everything hurts... not physcially -- not physical pain... But its like the normal callous of life suddenly... disappates and everything just grates and irritates... Oh wow, I didn't mean to write that. Even that sentence irritates me.

When I get like that... I can't handle anything. Its like everything comes at me at once... every person seems to press in on me with their presence... Its difficult to describe -- I've never heard or read anyone describe anything like it. I suppose you could say that I get to the point where I can't walk and chew gum at the same time, but its more like, I can't chew gum while music is playing because the music mixes in with the rhythym of my gum chewing and it makes my head hurt. Everything makes me nauseous, and I become Super-bitch to be around because everything has to be MY WAY RIGHT NOW. I don't try to be like that, it just overcomes me.

I've probably just depressed you... if it works, here's the kitty-cat dance.

This page now belongs to rock.

Fri, 02 Mar 2007 00:55:28 GMT

You see these words? Lame... I'm going on some sort of weird Tenacious D kick after seeing The Pick of Destiny.
I rock and Jack Black knows it.

Sure, why not another one?   Yes, I went through every option.

I'm in the global mosh (number 57283 if you want to find me), and I added myself to the "Do you rock or not" site

I love how the D use the whole masculine rock thing.

I used to look for Jack Black/ Kyle Gass slash... never found any. I suspected that 1. They already kind of slash themselves. If you've seen the HBO shorts on The Complete Masterworks, you see what I mean. 2. (as James put it, at the time) No one wants to think about Kyle Gass having sex. 3. Is that real person slash?
I suspect there might be some by now, but I'm not looking for it.

Their main site is pretty well designed -- and I've been having fun just letting the music on it just play in the background. I didn't listen to much of the album when we first got it, but I'm warming up to it.    I really like the opening song in the movie that Meatloaf sings on.   I know they rip off a lot of other music, but thats part of the fun... It doesn't matter if its good, it only matters if it rocks.

Thu, 01 Mar 2007 01:43:22 GMT

I've been playing with www.faceresearch.org . Of course, I've been getting messed up results because I'm weird. In a face sorting test 0% of people had the same facial attractiveness order as me on two categories... the highest was 14%. And then I just got this:
On average, people preferred the more feminine women 80% of the time and the more feminine men 54% of the time. You preferred feminine women 70% of the time and feminine men 85% of the time.

Heh....

I hate John Updike.

Mon, 26 Feb 2007 04:44:30 GMT

I suppose that's not right.... I hate John Updike's style. But I hate it because of the superior asshole attitude of his style. Its probably one of the few times I disliked a book and just hated the author. Not the characters, not the plot... the author.
But right now I have a book from 2000 sitting on my endtable, staring at me. Gertrude and Claudius a prequel to Hamlet, drawn from the sources Shakespeare himself drew from, including (most likely) Ur-Hamlet... or whatever its called. I have to read it. Luckily, I just paid a penny for it.
It seems promising enough, considering that it was written by John Updike. I kind of have to give him another chance... my dad is all about John Updike. He used to collect editions of the Rabbit books. He thinks I don't like him because of cultural differences...
So maybe I'll like this more recent book. But, it is mostly about Gertrude, and it was his portrayal and characterization of women that really pissed me off last time. But I have to read it. Maybe he'll write about Rosencrantz and Guildenstern. And even if he doesn't, it has to be worth reading... right? Hell, I'd read this by an author I've never heard of, so I should give John Updike a fair chance.
I'll try... This better not be too irritating.

Wait... wait... what?

Tue, 20 Feb 2007 05:11:10 GMT

Rosencrantz and Guildenstern are coke heads - thanks to the city's unbendable ban on smoking

Ben Waring, director of Rosencrantz and Guildenstern are Dead, said the play had to be 'modernised' because smoking was a key characteristic of one of its lead roles.

I must be misreading this somewhere... I repeat... what?

I get what they're doing... I've thought that myself sometimes... but still... what? (I want to turn back time and fly to Edinburgh to see that)

My oh my...

Sun, 18 Feb 2007 05:26:37 GMT

Stick Figure Hamlet. When I first saw it, I thought it might be something along the lines of some of the webcomics on LJ -- using Hamlet as sort of a starting point for characters and such... But its actually a webcomic of the play Hamlet, word for word as far as I can tell. Its not done, yet, but its not bad.
I don't like how Claudius and Laertes always look angry, and the fact that he seems to mix up Rosencrantz and Guildenstern's lines rankles me a bit (even if I assume its on purpose).
But the humor and excellent pacing make up for those small irritations. And the fact that he not only introduces Rosencrantz and Guildenstern in Act II Scene ii with coin tossing, but makes them look like Burt and Ernie makes up for the other thing.
The drawing of the ghost is kind of silly, but I like how he has Horatio looking distinctively "bored" leaning against a wall. I've never had much love for Horatio, but I like stick figure Horatio more than any live version I've seen. I might decide I like him, yet.
The artist has a nice touch for the interactions between the characters, including those little touches that bring things to life.  He really paces and blocks it well for each panel to end on a humorous or important moment, and it made me laugh out loud several times.
I'm looking forward to watching him finish it. He leaves in the "political" aspects with Fortinbras - which most productions cut - and I feel like I understand some aspects of the play that had sort of... slid by me before.
I might be a product of the times, needing to be fed my Hamlet in bite sized graphic intensive pieces. But.... its fun!  Though, I'm a literary nerd, so my fun is not everyone's.
Oh, and don't click on my ad. Its only a penny, but still...

Happy Valentine's day

Thu, 15 Feb 2007 00:47:47 GMT

Sorry about the post the other day where I believe I used the term "retard". I don't like using words like that and I'm sorry.
For some reason I'm have a hard time with cuts and stuff directly in Lj (before I used a client) so if I'm messing up, sorry. I'll try to get this figured out.
In honor of Valentines day I'm writing something I got from a book I had been reading, "Sex in Elizabethan England". It's pretty good, and not too expensive if you get the edition thats an "unknown binding" in Amazon. As far as I can tell, its unknown because its the edition from the UK. Full of fun information about the times that I'd been wanting but unable to find elsewhere.
So, if I've got the cuts worked out right, there should be a cut here.

This is Frances Howard, Countess of Essex, and at the time of this portrait Countess of Somerset. There's another portrait of Frances Howard, but apparentally its a different Frances Howard. And her dress is just as revealing (maybe a little more so) which is yet another reason for my confusion. I don't have the picture of the other Frances right now because my scanner isn't working and I can't find that particular picture of her through google images...
It seems like in most portraits of the era, women are wearing turtlenecks on top of their turtlenecks. In fact, I've done some research on the subject (seperate from this picture, though part of the reason it shocked me so). According to my source (a ren faire re-enactor, if I can't trust her, who can I trust?) the stereotypical "wench" costume with the breasts pushed up wouldn't be worn by the "biggest whore" in renaissance times. So, quite honestly, at first I thought she was going to turn out to be a famous prostitute (once again, the other Frances Howard is wearing a similar dress adding to my confusion). But no, she is a two time countess. My understanding is that corsets of the period came up over the breasts creating a cone-shape with only slight cleavage... making this dress a seem to be a purposeful and bold statement by SOMEONE.
The whole logistics of the dress fascinates me. I mean, that thing is a nipple slip waiting to happen. My breasts are (as far as I can judge such things) larger than hers, but it seems that the only way her nipples wouldn't be showing is if her breasts were squishy enough to sort of fold them in and out a bit (if that makes sense). I just have a hard time seeing this dress working in a time without double-sided tape.
And this dress gets even better when you find out her story. You see, she was famous for having her marriage annulled by claiming her husband was impotent. If my understanding of the times and dates are correct, this portrait was done during that marriage. The annulment was a huge controversy at the time, with her husband both denying being impotent (at one point showing off an erection to his friends while in bed -- to the males present at the time ::cough::) and claiming that she nagged and harrassed him to the point where he was incapable with her. There is even some suspicion she might have drugged him to create impotence to prevent the marriage being consummated.
At one point she was... examined, and found to be ::ahem:: intact. Even that is in question, because she had requested to be veiled during the examination and someone else could have stepped in for her.
They were married at 13 and 14 but were seperated to prevent them from having sex, and while he went off to war (this is from memory, so if I misunderstood or misremember, I'm sorry. I'm not wikipedia). During this time, she got used to the idea of not having sex with HIM and fell in love with someone else (presumably the man she eventually married). Depending on how much benefit of the doubt we want to give here, she might have drugged him to prevent him from finding out she had already lost her virginity to someone else, or to save herself with the long term plan of annulling the marriage. I have a hard time, in general, believing people are that conniving... but look at her eyes in this portrait. I think I can believe it of her.
The look on her face, the eyes... the half smile... mixed with the super low cut dress almost make me wonder if this was a commisioned portrait by her husband or even intended to be a literal life portrait. I don't really see why it wouldn't be... But something just feels... wrong about that picture. I don't know.
Of course, if this was a from life portrait during her first marriage, that would be even more intriguing. If my understanding of the times are correct, then that dress would almost certainly have been chosen by her impotent husband. Quite a statement, indeed.
Funny, a number of versions of this picture on pages about her have cropped the extreme cleavage out. Apparentally I'm not the only one who is bit taken aback by it.
I'll scan the other Frances Howard picture along with another picture that struck me in a day or two.

The doctor says: Your shit is fucked up and you talk like a fag

Mon, 12 Feb 2007 06:06:44 GMT

Idiocracy is one of the greatest future movies I've ever seen. I'd compare it to "We the Living" and "Brave New World" but that's just because those are the only future books I've read that I liked. But, even better, its a comedy.
It seems to come from the idea of "How would someone from 500 years ago see us?" and then they reverse it to make it so we can see our own depravity.

The part that killed me was french fries being one of the food groups. "My children are starving." Carl's Jr. believes no child should starve. You are an unfit mother. Your children belong to Carl's Jr. now.
James' cousin Paul is EXACTLY like Frito in the movie,
I was pleasantly surprised that the chick from SNL's role turned out to be so major. I really thought her character was going to be minor and never really flesh out beyond her limited beginnings.
Ways the movie seemed to be "How would someone from 500 years ago see us?"
The degradation of words: Fuddruckers turns into Buttfuckers.
The degradation of the language and dress: What is informal now is formal, and everyone talks like trailer trash. "He could understand them, but when he spoke to them in a normal tone he sounded pompous and faggy."
The degradation of the intellect: the IQ test is unbelievably easy, featuring people putting triangle blocks into the triangle shaped holes (basically a test for kindergardeners right now). I've seen what people were learning in the sixth grade a hundred years ago, and it made me feel like getting out my triangle block like I was retarded. Stuff used to be a lot more advanced.
The increase in sexuality and normally accepted behavior: I just about screamed when they suggested they go "family style" on the Maya Gastow's (?)character. "H&R Block: The adult tax return". And "Starbucks" is a handjob place.

Don't even get me started on a cabinet member being addressed as "funbags".

It did make me feel bad for wasting my time, my intellect, and my life. Which is always something.

I had an "oh god I'm getting old" moment today. James won an Ipod at his work that allows him to have pictures. For some James reason he put a bunch of Christina Aguilara pictures on it and showed it to me. I started to wonder... She's not a porn star or someone famous for being naked, why does she have to take such sexual pictures in her photo shoots? James says its because she can, but I was like "No... I don't object to her dressing sexy, I just don't understand why she has to act like she's a nude model for magazines? She's pretty and talented, why does she have to do that?" And then I felt old.

I'm sorry, I intended this post to be much better, but I drank some Jim Beam, and this is the only time I get online. Even now James is saying that my post shouldn't be longer than the screenplay. I told him to fuck himself, but I'm done anyway.

To post or not to post...

Sun, 11 Feb 2007 18:08:42 GMT

I've been arguing with myself about this. I don't want to come back, because if I do, I won't read my friends list, or comments... and thats just plain rude. I mean, its not right. My counselor says its okay, that you guys probably understand if you've been friended to me all this time... but I don't like it. I don't like being all twitchy and weird and scared still - even though i know you guys are safe and nice.
But I have a good reason... You guys... you are all going to move on and leave lj... and live great lives and work real jobs and have real friends... and I'm still going to be here. And, like it or not, I'm a bitter bitch and it will upset me. It will upset me every time I see the "I'm leaving lj for real life" signs and I'll get pissy and depressed.
And I'll never see you again. There will be no LiveJournal reunion. You lose, you get nothing, good day sir!
And then I'll have to make new friends and I suck at that. I only have the friends I have because of my Rosencrantz and Guildenstern thing and I'm not doing any more lj friends searches. And you guys are used to me... I guess.... Though me posting again after being gone for...six months? or more? might be a welcome or unwelcome surprise.
But... I was outside a few nights ago, looking at the stars... and I realized I had no one to tell about what I saw and what I thought about. Except the people here. LJ seems to attract "my" kind of people...
So, I'm sort of back. I think I'm over the ruined friendship that made me so emo the last year or so... I hope I am. I've done a friendlist cleanup in the hopes that I'll be able to read it, eventually. If I deleted someone I shouldn't have... sorry. I'll do a more through check of it later... maybe.
I don't feel right, being here and not really participating. It seems to miss the point.
But I don't want to start somewhere new, and here at least I FEEL like I'm being read and understood. And that's something.
I lost everything EVERYTHING in a hard drive crash. My nanowrimo. My saved icons. Half finished stories and rewrites.
If you don't like me not interacting with you, I guess go ahead and unfriend me. I'm probably not going to. Though if you want to e-mail or IM me.. that's fine, oddly enough. Can't explain the disparity there. I guess I'm just weird like that.

I'm not really here, you know.

Fri, 26 Jan 2007 04:39:31 GMT

I just had to say...

I must have this poster.

No, seriously. I have to have it.

Even as skeletons they're all in love and slashy. I just had to have a little :squee: where someone else might appreciate it.

But I'm not really here. I didn't really post. This is our little secret.

Oh, and a little extra, since I'm not posting and I'm not here: I happened across this sort of clip thing of someone's production of Rosencrantz and Guildenstern are Dead -- The play version is always slashy - when well done
It gives you a taste of how completely and totally awesome it is onstage for those not lucky enought to have seen it that way. It shows its student status a bit -- but there is so much Ros/Guil love going on. Its so cute... :head explodes:

I assume everyone else has moved on, since it seems that Ros/Guil was just the chic thing for a little while in a little corner of LJ -- but I'm writing a story on adultfanfiction. I'll post officially when its done -- but the WIP is there. It sucks and makes no sense. I've stopped caring -- for the moment.

I'm moving...

Fri, 01 Sep 2006 00:43:42 GMT

I'm moving, so I'll be offline for a while. I think it might be for the best if I didn't come back. It piques my lonliness too much. Not a promise, or a threat.
Just letting you know.

You weren't suppoed to help her. Don't you realize? She never sleeps....

Wed, 30 Aug 2006 03:39:48 GMT

I am in a quandry. The only thing that eases the Lonlieness, is reading. Which isolates me. But going online makes me feel lonlier, yet it is a release from isolation.
Reading is a fake form of socialization. Perhaps thats why social extroverts distrust readers (at least stereotypically) so much.

Every word is for my consumption. As I read, someone elses mental world is opened for me in its purest form. I have the authors full attention as long as I am looking that the page. I see every aspect of the authors personality. I cradle someone else's soul in my hands. The author is mine and I am the author's. The author's word is law, and I cannot argue. The author creates their world and its rules, I merely watch and try to understand.
It is not exactly interaction, which is why it is isolating. But its close, which is why it makes me feel better. Its horribly one way... I can only read the authors words, I can't give back.

I wonder... should I go back home? Back into my world of books and theatre and leave the painful outside world to itself. A part of me wants to go back. Go back and say "I'm staying here, and I'm not leaving until someone comes to get me." But I suspect no one will, and I'm not prepared to deal with that. Its unwise to bluff more than you are prepared to lose.

I'm sorry, I haven't read my comments yet. They are in my inbox, and I will... tomorrow. Tonight, I'm reading.

Well, that was unhelpful.

Tue, 29 Aug 2006 03:24:56 GMT

My counselor said she can't look at my journal any more because of liability issues, so fuck it. I'm making this public.
I went over everything I posted about yesterday with her... and she was like "Why don't you have more online friends? You're interesting, and a good writer." 0_0

The only things we established were:
1. I've become irrational on the issue. Which seems to have concerned her a great deal, because she says I'm normally quite logical.
2. My main problem seems to be a lack of experience and a lack of role models for friendships (how to create, sustain, etc.)
Most people seem to not be able to comprehend the full nature of my lack of experience in life. I know I've said this before, and I'll keep saying it. You all can say to me: I don't have much life experience. But I assure you, you have more than I do.
I have never met anyone to eat or have coffee.
I have never been to any kind of party.
I don't know how people have fun with their friends. I don't even know how to hang out.
People seem to think "Of course you have." its such a normal part of their lives that it seems incomprehensible. Like if I had never been in a car, or seen a tv show. But I reassure you, I have no idea what its like to meet my friends for pizza, or be invited to a party or even have lunch in the cafeteria at school with the same people every day.
What is that like? Is it really fun, or do you do it because thats what people do? Parties seem weird. I don't understand that. Why do you always have lunch in the same groups at the same place? How do you decide who sits with you? How do you decide who to talk to? How can you tell if they are receptive? Does it matter?
Is it weird to just hang out with one friend? Must there always be a group?
Do you really like all of your friends, or are there people you're just around because they are there? How do you decide who you are closest to? Is it life experience with them or is it something else?
What entails "hanging out"? Is it watching tv or a movie? How do you decide what to watch? Are people allowed to talk or is it mostly mutual watching? Is food usually involved or is that just in movies?
What happens in clubs? Why do people go there and why do all the girls look the same? Is that intentional? Are you just supposed to listen to the music, or are you supposed to talk to people? If you're supposed to talk to people, why is the music so loud? Or is that just is the movies and commercials? Do people really go to clubs? What is clubbing?
Why do people go from restaurant to restaurant buying appetizers like thats something to do? Is that really fun? Is it really less expensive than just getting a meal?
Is going to an art museum with your friends weird? Is so, why? Come on, art museums are fun... So are science museums. And zoos. And don't get me started on bookstores and libraries. I think I just showed why I don't have friends.
How do you collect friends? Is it an act of will or an accident or both?
In a way, I keep hoping someone will just take my hand and lead me through the process of friendship, explaining things to me along the way, like I was some kind of alien.
I have a lot of questions, and no one can ever answer them because its so taken for granted they don't think about it. I always have a lot of questions, but this in particular bothers me. I don't know how much I know is myth from movies and books and tv and how much people really do. I'm sure I'd have many more questions if I thought about it.

She was worried enough about me to give me numbers to a couple of hotlines. She kept asking me what my plan was to combat the Lonlieness. And I kept telling her, I don't know. I was hoping she'd help with that.
It felt good to say it out loud, though. So I guess thats something.

I think Will Smith would have really improved the Matrix...

Sun, 27 Aug 2006 17:07:47 GMT

Got a bit drunk last night and watched a double feature of Men In Black and Men In Black II. I'm technically not supposed to drink on my medication, but.... It seems to make me a sloppier drunk than I normally am. Normally I can handle myself fairly well, but on my medication I'm falling around everywhere and can't even stand normally.
The effects from Men In Black have actually stood the test of time. There were only a few times were I thought "That looks fake." and I thought that the first time I saw it. I lost track of what was happening during Men In Black II, I was either too drunk or bored. I'm not sure. Some of the effects there looked a lot more fake. I was disappointed that the girl from the first was gone. It would have been cool if females were more involved in the Men In Black.
I was told that Will Smith was considered for Keaunu Reeves role in the Matrix. I think it would have improved it. I'm not a huge Will Smith fan, but the man has charisma. James disagreed, he said, best case scenario, we'd have to deal with a Matrix rap being played on the radio all of the time. I said the chorus would be "1001001001" a la the Robot prayer in Futurama.
I like the idea of the universe being contained in marble being played with by a giant alien being.
I know its silly, but I'm a big Men in Black fan, I even watched the cartoon. I wanted to read the comic, but I never could find it and have the money at the same time.

I am the queen of Whack a mole....

Sun, 27 Aug 2006 03:34:27 GMT

I rock at whack a mole. I kick those moles asses. A mole thinks about moving and I've got it. I used to really rock at skee ball, but I'll spend like... fifty dollars on it if someone doesn't make me stop. So I generally avoid playing it unless I have tokens that are just for me and no cash to buy more. I used to have dreams about playing skee ball.
I tried to play one of those dancing games, but there was this guy doing the hardest mode and getting PERFECT PERFECT PERFECT. It was awesome to watch, but it made it hard for me to want to get my fat ass up there to get MISS MISS GOOD MISS. I get misses on the 35 cent "Disco Duck" version. I can't even play those games with the controller. I can't make the proper map for what to do in my head.
I love going to Incredible Pizza. About time someone figured out a use for all of those useless empty Walmarts. It takes a while to get into it, though. Its like, I walk in and I thin "this sucks, there are no good games here...." then next thing I know we've spent $20, and I'm like... just one more... At least its my dad's money.

We sat in the movie section and the original "The Nutty Professor" was playing. Is it wrong that I find the professor incredibly hot? To be clear, not as the alter ego, but as the buck toothed greasy professor. mmmm... baby.... : D

Sat, 26 Aug 2006 03:45:36 GMT

My (step)nephew Michael just started college, so he kept screwing around saying "I'm in college!" all the time. I know he was just kidding, but stuff like that still gets to me sometimes.
Anyway, he noticed my shirt and he asked...
Michael: So... who are Rosencrantz and Guildenstein? Are they writers?
Me: ::eyes widen:: That's Guildenstern. They're characters from Hamlet.
Michael: Oh... I knew that.
Me: (continuing) They were also the main characters of a play by Tom Stoppard called Rosencrantz and Guildenstern are Dead, which is also about Hamlet.
At this point my other nephew was doing the "over his head" hand gesture to his cousin. A part of me wanted to say "I learned that in HIGH SCHOOL." But I didn't. I don't know why I feel the urge to share that story.

If I ever get it uploaded properly, I'll have a new icon that a picture from the version of Rosencrantz and Guildenstern are Dead that got me obsessed with it. I wanted it for this post, but my internet isn't working right.

The current mood has nothing to do with my post.

We are all scientists in humanity.

Thu, 24 Aug 2006 23:38:26 GMT

First of all: Go to your local Walgr**ns and get Kashi Autumn Harvest wheat biscuit things... they are organic, yummy yummy yummy, and only $1.99.

Secondly: I just read a preview of Bleach in Number 18 of Shonen Jump. I only have two 2004 issues in my lot of issues. Teh suck!!! That means I'm going to end up with a lot of recent issues (most of the remaining ones are 2005). But I am glad to finally get a look at Bleach. I've heard so much about it, it seems to be one of those ubiquitous series. It looks like it has potential... maybe I'll get lucky, hit another sale and be able to get a few. I lived for the sale they had at Borders during the summer.

But more seriously... I've been reading Beyond Einstein, which is about superstring theory, quatumn mechanics, all that fun stuff.

The reason that science has grown so much this century is not because humans have suddenly become more brilliant, but because instead of twisting reality to fit existing scientific theory (ever read about the insane calculations astromoners used to do to prove that the sun revolves around the earth?) we have been changing scientific theory. Instead of taking an old hypothesis and trying to prove why its still true in spite of experiments saying otherwise, we're making new hypothesis' and proving them experimentally.

I was thinking about that in regards to people. We're all little scientists in a way, creating theories about the world around us, hypothesis'.... and sometimes it seems that we try to prove an old hypothesis instead of trying a new one.

Like a scientist, we label the people around us. Is it animal, vegatable or mineral? This person did that, so she's like my mom who does that too. This person did that so she must be shy. You may like to think that you don't do that, but if you've ever been surprised by someone... you have. I try not to, but I'm sure I do. Its human nature. You can't get to know every single human being around you intimately. You have to create labels to deal with the people you don't know very well to create a context in which you deal with them. The real problem only comes when you label someone you are getting to know...

I'm assuming none of you have read "The Accidental Tourist". In it, the main character is a man who has lived in his wife's label for their whole marriage. She had caught him in a moment where he had been one way towards her. It wasn't his normal way of being, but she immediately locked that label onto him. He liked her, so he lived to be her label... He already had a tendency to be that way, so he extremized it to make himself what she thought he was. It was soothing for her... for him too. His behavior was always predictable, you could always know what he was going to do at any particular moment because he was living a stereotype, or a behavioral archetype (to be more accurate). None of this was explicitely stated in the book, I only figured it out when reading it as an adult (I read it multiple times as a teenager). The book is about the process of him learning to be himself instead of the stereotype.
You may think, I don't do that. But you can't tell me that you've never behaved a particular way because its what someone expected. Personally, I'm fine until someone labels me. Then either I put all my energies into fufilling it, or all of them into breaking it. Or both. That's when I go a bit crazy. ::cough::october last year::cough:: Generally, I tend to back away from a person the moment they label me for that reason. You can always tell. They get a particular look on their face, there's a change in their tone (written or spoken). You can just tell. I've tried to ignore it, but it bothers me.
I mean, its one thing when it a self-chosen label... well, even that is bad, because you aren't really being yourself, are you? But its less frustrating when people fix you with that label because its a self-chosen one.
When I say labels, I am including concepts of racism, and the stereotypical high school labels... but thats not really what I mean. Okay. I'm sure every one of you has labeled me at some point, or perhaps are labeling me now. I don't mean it as an absolute wrong. As I said, labels are necessary. On an everyday basis you have to know if you're dealing with an animal, vegatable or mineral so you can react to it properly. Keep yourself safe, use a set of values to know what a person might expect from you and what you can expect form them. The point is to KNOW YOU ARE DOING IT. If you don't, then you can do things that are wrong without being aware of it.
For example, I sometimes see really poor dragged down people at my work. Maybe not financially poor, but internally poor. And people will just cut them off and cut in front of them like they aren't there. And they take it because that's what expected of them. I'm sure if they said something to defend themselves, they would look down on them as being uppity. It exists in every society, don't pretend it doesn't exist in ours. Just be aware to prevent yourself from doing it. It isn't wrong to have racist feelings, its only wrong to act on them because you are choosing to ignore them and therefore allowing them to control you. You can think it, then go "I know that is not correct because...." and then let it pass off.
With people you know, the labels can be more subtle. One sister is the artist, the other practical. Some people live their whole lives trying to prove or disprove the labels their parents put on them. Luckily for me, my moms labels are so ridiculous and nothing like me I can completely ignore them without giving them more than a vague thought of "am I like that?"
Maybe that's part of the reason I don't have friends. Someone labels me and then I purposely break it, then I don't want to have to deal with them anymore. Because in a way, I'm pissed they labeled me to begin with. I am not to be labeled. That's a label in and of itself. :D
The frustrating thing is when its completely wrong. I just want to smack them and say "QUIT ONLY SEEING THE INSIDE OF YOUR HEAD AND SEE WITH YOUR EYES YOU MORON!!!!" Of course, I wouldn't get so frustrated if it weren't for the fact that I know I do it too. I wouldn't understand the concept so well if it weren't for the fact that I do it. I know the only thing to do is to keep being yourself and eventually the label will dissolve with reality. But its difficult to ignore, when you feel that expectation all of the time to be a particular way.
If you really pay attention, you'll be amazed at how much of what you see of the world is what is in your mind as opposed to objective reality. I guess you could consider it like Plato's shadows on a cave wall, but I prefer the Buddhist concept of conciousness.
When you are concious, you are aware of what is in your mind, but you are also aware it is in your mind and not objective reality. You act like a real scientist, creating new hypothesis and new theories based in reality, instead of making equations and exceptions to explain why your hypothesis isn't working "because it should... we all know the sun revolves around the earth, its just a matter of finding the equation that makes it work".
I've labeled you all at various times, particularly when I first knew you. And I've been impressed by how easily all of you have broken those labels. That's why I like this. How do you label me? How do you label those around you? They say don't be judgemental, but that begins with you. If you have thoughts without judging them, and are merely aware of them, they lose their hold over you. Its hard to do... I've been struggling with it for years, with (as I'm sure you all have read) wildly varying levels of success.

Just some thoughts, that's all. Not as well written out as I hoped.... I hope it makes sense.